I find myself in the position that so many women find themselves in, those of us "working Mother's" if you will, who find there is no such thing as "balance". Oh, I believe there are good phases, times when you feel "on top of it" and easily able to accomplish the tasks expected of you, but there are also phases where you couldn't keep up or measure up to save your life, and you are exhausted beyond your ability to really know how to do better.
Last September when I stopped working nights, I assumed it would be the BEST thing, no more nights, dinner's that more resembled "meals", homework and tucking the kids into bed each night, just seemed like an obvious win-win. What I didn't expect is that I miss my little boy, ALOT, I miss the morning routine, breakfast, bath and getting dressed for the day. I miss sitting down to eat lunch with him and then taking him to pre-school three day's a week AND picking him up, I miss my Mcafee Monday lunch with my good friend Kelly and going to the pool during the summer with her and her children, who my kids LOVE! I don't see my very good friends that I worked with at night for all those ten years either, and I miss them and the support, advice and love they gave to me, I miss their faces and voices; still.
I miss all that. When I get home, I'm still trying to find a rhythym that is totally backwards from what I did for TEN YEARS. And instead of reveling in the 2.5 hrs of quiet that would be mine (while little E is in pre-school), well, now I'm at work instead. I have been at this parenting gig for 17 1/2 yrs, I am tired, and am desperate for time that belongs TO ME, and yet, I am grateful for all four of my children, and know every sacrafice I make for them is honorable and recorded in heaven and will be given back to me ten fold; someday.
I feel rushed, inadequate, lonely and possibly that I didn't make the right decision? I have removed a few things from my life, important things, people and routines, that I just can't replace right now. Truth be told. I am struggling.
We got to babysit yesterday, Parker's Mommy works in the main building in the warehouse and Doug is helping to find the family a home. My kids had such a good time changing diapers, feeding, burping and cooing at him while he grinned and "talked".......they couldn't get enough of it, and lucky for us; he came back again today!
Anyone who knows me, REALLY knows me, knows I adore my flower garden in front . It is ten years in the making for it to look so beautiful in the summer, and I get such a thrill when spring arrives to come out and check in the morning for whatever is beginning to bloom, sprout or open, it is a true joy to me.
Things are coming right along now, I have plenty of tulips that have still not bloomed (I have a North facing house, so it happens later than normal) and some are still in full bloom.
It will be truly amazing to post another picture in six weeks......
Much easier to identify WHAT I want YOU to look at
The rule of thirds...
something before and after the MAIN subject
(taking advantage of the natural tendency to look left to right)
Composition is on of the most important things in making your photographs look professional. Like I have mentioned before, I thought the point of a good picture was to have everything dead center and in focus, which is far from correct.
Simplicity is a very important rule. Your picture is stronger the simpler it is. If there is too much going on, it tends to be distracting and makes it hard to stay focused on the intended subject, that's where the question "what is my focus" comes in; what do you want people to actually focus on and does the picture "lead" you there naturally.
The assignment this week was to pick 3 composition rules and show a good and bad example of each, I was once again intimidated at the beginning of the assignment, but was happy to discover that I naturally started "seeing" opportunities as time went on, WHEW.........
I DID NOTHING. I was SO freaked out over last week's lesson that I was too afraid to pick up the camera and do the work, figured I'd avoid failure, I was pretty close to avoiding the class this week too, figured "this isn't high school, NO ONE can MAKE me do it, and I can't FAIL the class and get in trouble with my MOMMY", then Doug asked his Mom to take Callie to dance class so he could escort me to class, Doug's Mom couldn't do it, but Cody was slotted for the job and off we went, the student and her personal BULLY :(
I am glad he had the forethought to do it, as it was by comparison, a much better class, and I left feeling "ok" about things, will probably do my homework this week too.
When we got out of class, Cody took his family to dinner, my reward for letting him borrow the van many times in the past week to go to school early, so I guess what I'm saying is I am glad that I have a family who loves me enough to invest in my education AND give me a much needed break from those dreaded words, "WHAT'S FOR DINNER"?
I attended a free class this morning at the Conservation Garden Park at Jordan Valley. It is good to hear some of this information over and over, as I'm afraid some of it is just not sticking. It is amazing how one can become afraid of something once you feel you failed at it, since Thursday nights results, I have felt that I didn't want to pick the camera up again. I have to tell myself that I just have to keep practicing and eventually, it will come; I guess?